What if you couldn't help your own child?
A true story about why every 18-year-old needs these three documents
At 18, your child becomes a legal stranger to you.
You lose the automatic right to see their medical records, weigh in on their care, or even get their grades from college.
It doesn’t matter if you’re still paying the bills or they still live under your roof.
A story that’s hard to read, but worth it
In 2018, Baylie Grogan was a 19-year-old pre-med student at the University of Miami.
A car hit her, and she suffered a severe brain injury.
Her parents, Shawnee and Scott Baker, rushed to the hospital.
Without a signed health care proxy, the hospital wouldn’t share details about her condition or her treatment.
A hospital ethics committee — not her mom and dad — decided her care.
The Bakers went to court to get legal guardianship of their own daughter.
That process takes months. Baylie didn’t have months.
WBUR reported her full story here.
Here’s the key idea
The day your child turns 18, you lose the automatic legal right to help in a crisis: medically, financially, even academically. Unless they’ve signed paperwork that hands some of that authority back to you.
It doesn’t matter if she’s still on your health insurance, still living at home, or you’re still paying tuition.
Age eighteen means adult in the eyes of the law.
If your own kids are already in their 40s or 50s, here’s who this piece is actually for: your granddaughter, the one who just left for her sophomore year.
Or your grandson, three states away at his first job.
Pass this along to your own kids — they’re the ones who need to act on it now.
Think of it like the fire extinguisher under your sink
Nobody requires you to have one.
You hope you never need it.
If a fire starts, it’s the only thing in the room that can help — and by then, it’s too late to go buy one.
These documents work the same way.
No law requires an 18-year-old to get them.
Most families never think about them until a crisis forces the question, and by then it’s too late to sign anything.
Why most families haven’t done this
More than 70% of adults haven’t done their own estate planning.
If you haven’t finished yours, it’s no surprise your 20-year-old hasn’t started theirs — and that’s exactly why this needs to be a family project, not one person’s job to remember.
The three documents every adult child needs
HIPAA authorization — lets doctors and hospitals share medical information with you. Without it, they legally can’t tell you anything, even if you’re standing in the waiting room.
Medical power of attorney — lets you make health care decisions if they can’t make those decisions themselves.
Financial power of attorney — lets you handle money matters (rent, a bank account, a landlord or lender) if they’re incapacitated.
If your child is in college, add one more:
FERPA release — lets the school share grades or disciplinary records with you. Without it, privacy law treats an 18-year-old student’s records as theirs alone.
How to actually get this done
You don’t need a complicated estate plan to knock this out.
Three ways to go:
The simple route. A tool like Five Wishes covers the medical side in plain English. It costs about $5 and takes about 20 minutes. I wrote about it here.
The attorney route. A local estate attorney can draft these documents in one meeting, usually for a few hundred dollars.
Either way, keep it accessible. Signed copies belong somewhere you can reach them — not in a safe deposit box your child can’t get into at 2 a.m.
Pick one. Get it done this month.
You can refine it later. Done beats perfect.
This doesn’t end at graduation
This isn’t only a college issue.
The need doesn’t disappear when your child graduates, gets a job, or moves into their own place.
It runs from 18 until the day they marry, or otherwise have a partner who can legally step in for them, however many years that takes.
Bottom line: Turning 18 gives your child independence. It also takes away your legal right to help them if something goes wrong, unless you both sign a few pieces of paper first.
Your challenge
If your kids are in their 40s or 50s with children of their own, call them this week. Ask if your grandchildren have these documents in place.
If not, help them get it done.
If you know other parents or grandparents who need to hear this, send them this article.
It’s far easier to talk about before a crisis than during one.
I’m not an attorney, and this isn’t legal advice. This is something every family should prioritize alongside their own estate planning.
Until next Wednesday,
— Russ
P.S. If you want the simplest starting point, Five Wishes is still my first recommendation — here’s the piece I wrote about it. Reply and tell me: does your grandchild already have these documents in place, or is this the first time you’re hearing about it?