The lifeboat drill
The exercise that protects everyone you love
When you board a cruise ship, one of the first things you do is attend a lifeboat drill.
Nobody thinks the ship is going to sink.
The drill isn’t about pessimism.
It’s about something much simpler: you practice the steps when you’re calm, so you don’t have to figure them out when you’re not.
Your finances need the same kind of drill. Along with the rest of your life.
One spouse usually runs the show
In most couples, one person handles the family finances.
Pays the bills. Tracks the investments. Knows where the accounts are. Keeps the passwords.
That’s fine. Division of labor makes sense.
But here’s the risk: if that person is suddenly gone — or can no longer manage things — the other person is left standing on a deck they’ve never navigated, in the middle of a storm, trying to read a map they’ve never seen.
I’ve worked with women who, after losing their husbands, were able to move forward with clarity — not because they weren’t grieving, but because they’d done the drill.
They knew who to call.
They knew where the accounts were.
They knew what income was coming in and what needed to be addressed first.
They were still devastated, of course.
But they weren’t also lost.
There’s a real difference between knowing and doing.
Even if you think you know where things are, actually executing those steps in the fog of grief is another thing entirely.
That’s exactly why the drill matters — you work through it when your mind is clear, so you have something solid to reach for when it isn’t.
If you’ve ever said “I don’t want to be a burden on my family” here’s something worth sitting with: the absence of a plan is a burden.
It just lands on the people you love at the worst possible moment.
What the first 30 days actually look like
In the first couple of weeks, a surviving spouse might need to:
obtain 10 to 15 certified death certificates (each financial institution, insurance company, government agency, and property transfer requires its own copy),
notify the Social Security Administration,
contact life insurance companies to begin claims, and
notify banks to restore access to accounts — which can be temporarily frozen for up to 10 business days pending documentation.
From there, the first 30 days involve updating investment accounts, initiating transfers of accounts with named beneficiaries, locating the Will and filing it with probate court if needed, contacting pension administrators, and beginning to sort through the full inventory of assets and any obligations.
A simple estate — few accounts, named beneficiaries in place, no real estate complications — can be settled in 3 to 9 months.
A more typical estate takes 6 to 12 months.
A complex one can take years.
This isn’t meant to overwhelm you.
It’s meant to make the case that going through this mentally now, while your thinking is clear and life is calm, is time well spent.
For more on navigating the first year after a loss, see my earlier pieces:
This isn’t just for couples
If you’re single, this matters just as much. Maybe more.
Your adult children, your siblings, your closest friends — do they know what to do if something happens to you?
Where your will is?
Who your financial advisor is?
And if both you and your spouse were to pass away, do your children or heirs know who to contact?
Whether one of them is named as your executor or trustee?
Where your passwords are?
The list of things people assume someone else knows is long. Many times, nobody actually knows.
The part that’s harder to talk about
The financial side of the drill is important. But it’s only part of the picture.
Two conversations — ones most families never get around to having — matter just as much.
If you ever need care
Long-term care planning is usually framed as a financial question: how do you pay for it?
But there’s a more personal question underneath that one.
What kind of care would you want? And where?
It’s worth thinking through — and writing down — before you ever need it:
Would you want to stay in your home with in-home support, or would you prefer a dedicated care setting?
If you needed memory care, what would matter most to you about that environment?
Would you want to be near family, even if that meant relocating?
Who would you want making decisions on your behalf if you couldn’t make them yourself?
These don’t need to be final answers.
But having the conversation now — when you can participate in it — is a gift to the people who love you.
It spares them from guessing.
And it means the care you receive actually reflects who you are.
Final wishes
When we lose someone, the grief is hard enough.
Making dozens of decisions in the middle of it — about arrangements, services, and how to honor a life — adds a different kind of weight.
If you haven’t talked through your final wishes with the people closest to you, please consider:
Burial or cremation?
A traditional memorial service, or a celebration of life?
What music would you want?
Who would you want to speak on your behalf?
What would you want your obituary to say — what you’d want remembered, what you’d want included?
This isn’t morbid.
It’s a kindness. A gift.
When someone has shared their wishes clearly, the people who loved them can focus on honoring them — instead of worrying about whether they got it right.
Your lifeboat drill: where to start
Set aside an uninterrupted hour. Think through the following. Then write it down.
On the financial side:
What are your accounts, and where are they held? Include bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, and insurance policies.
Who are the key people in your financial life — your advisor, your CPA, your estate planning attorney, your insurance agent? Does your spouse or a trusted family member have their contact information?
Where are your important documents — your Will, your trust if you have one, your insurance policies, your account statements? Are they easy to find?
Where are your passwords and usernames for online accounts? How would someone you trust access them if needed?
Who would need to do what, and in what order, if you became seriously ill or passed away?
On the personal side:
Have you documented your care preferences — the type of care you’d want, where you’d want to receive it, and who should make decisions if you can’t?
Have you shared your final wishes with the people closest to you? Do they know what you’d want for a service, music, speakers, and how you’d want to be remembered?
Once you’ve worked through it, put it into a format (document, recording, etc.) that can be shared.
And stored safely.
Then actually share it — with your spouse, your adult children, your advisor, or whoever would need it most.
This isn’t a one-time exercise.
Life changes.
Revisit it every year or two.
Two related pieces worth reading alongside this one:
The drill is an act of love
Nobody boards a cruise ship hoping to use a lifeboat.
But the passengers who’ve done the drill are the ones who know what to do if they ever need to.
Your lifeboat drill works the same way.
It’s not about expecting the worst. It’s about loving the people in your life enough to make things a little easier for them — at the moment when everything else is already so hard.
The financial clarity matters.
And so does knowing that the care you’d want, the farewell you’d want, and the life you’d want remembered — all of that has been thought through, talked through, and recorded.
When you’ve done this work, you can stop carrying the quiet anxiety of “what would happen if...”
And your family can focus on grief, not logistics.
That’s the gift.
If you’d like help thinking through your own version of this, I’m happy to do that with you.
Simply reply to this email or get in touch…
And consider passing this along to your family and friends.
Links & things
If you’d like a tool to help document and organize your lifeboat drill information, you might check out:
And for storing and protecting passwords and other sensitive data, I always recommend a secure password manager like:
Thank you for reading!
If you have a question or would like my advice, simply reply to this email with your questions and I’ll be happy to respond with my thoughts…
Until next Wednesday,
Russ